Wednesday, December 10, 2008

When whore turns to horror...

Dear Lisa Marcell,

I am in desperate need of your advice, you wisest of all sage's. I am flat-out broke, and the holiday season has approached me. I would love to get gifts for my family and friends, but don't know how I will earn the money. I have contemplated entering the "female escort" business, or cooking up Meth from Sufredrin. Which do you think would be the best choice?

Waiting on you,

Dear Two-Dollar Matilda,

The Holiday times are upon us and tis the season for gift giving! Which may leave us feeling desperate for moola! It sounds as though you have several reasonable options at your disposal! Congratulations!
I must caution you against creating a meth lab, however. It sounds easy, and sure, you meet a lot of really great people in the process...but take it from someone who has been isn't all perfect and rosy. Occasionally, meth labs blow up! And I find it impossible to create meth without getting addicted to it. You don't want to meth up your life, trust me.

That leaves us with your second option of becoming a female escort. It can be very lucrative, and meet a lot of really great people in that trade. Unfortunately, people tend to look down upon those in that industry. When people learn of your profession, they quickly try to mask feelings of disgust and horror.

If you want to keep your upstanding reputation as a meth creator intact, you might want to consider another alternative... PHONE ACTRESS! If you've got a home phone and no personal boundaries, this may be the work-from-home business for you! It pays well, you get to use your imagination and you can still be a stay at home wife and mother! The hours are very flexible as men like to get their jollies at all hours of the day and night, so you can fit it around your schedule!

I think for your own safety and reputation, the best way to bring in extra cash this holiday season will to be in spreading Holiday Cheer over the phone!

Happy Holidays, Lisa Marcell