Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Secret love...

Dear Lisa Marcell,

I have a serious problem. I am a happily married woman, and have never looked at or desired another man besides my husband...that is, until HE came along. Let's just call him Mack Hauer, to protect the innocent. I'm obsessed. I can't sleep or eat, or think without him coming into my mind. What can I do? My husband is sure to find out. How can I get this erotic terrorist out of my mind?

Loving Mack, 24/7


Dear Loving Mack, 24/7,

Normally, when receiving this type of question I would refer you to a marriage counselor, or your clergy. I would treat this as a serious problem that needs immediate help. However, having cracked your code of "Mack Hauer" and knowing it is actually Jack Bauer you speak of....well, no amount of therapy or clergy can help. Nobody can stand next to Jack Bauer and not be found wanting. I'm sure your husband is a nice man and that you love him very much. But he'll never be Jack Bauer. There can only be one. While this statement may fill you with a sense of hopelessness and doubt....try to remember that you can't have Jack. Try to salvage what you can of your own marriage and enjoy Jack for what he is. A renegade lover that can't be tied down. He can save the world, but he can't save your heart from being broken. If you love him, you must let him go kill terrorists. Never speak of this love to your husband...never speak of it to anyone. But please refer to my other blog www.lisamarcell.blogspot.com for facts about Jack Bauer and footage from his recent vacation.

Completely Understanding,
Lisa Marcell

6 comments:

Elise said...

Freaking LOL!

Bryan said...

So your answering your own questions now. It's a sad day fro the Advice, By Lisa Blog. A new low. If you ask me it started when you took that very inappropriate question about male enhancement.

Lisa said...

You're right Bryan, I lowered my standards when I took that male-enhancement question. But, to be fair, I thought it was time that your tail come out of the closet and help others like you.
As for the current question...it very easily could be me, I imagine one day it will be me, but I am not married yet. You might want to look a little bit closer to home...perhaps...your own wife?
I'm just saying...could be...

Bryan said...

My tail? I don't know what your talking about.

Lisa said...

Pain meds were doing the talking before??? Riiiiiight...

Lonna said...

Dear Lisa Marcell,
I have a daughter in law who is obsessed with Jack Bauer, let's call her...Batalie. I don't know how to tell my son, let's call him...Nryan. You see he has a tail and is somewhat insecure as it is...but how can anyone ever stand up to Jack? I am afraid it will destroy the relationship. I have tried to tell her that she too has flaws. You should see her feet.